Asking Good Questions
Each person brings three social needs
1. The need for belonging. {We meet this with history giving and participation}
2. The need for acceptance. {We meet this by affirming them}
3. The need for significance. {We meet this with responsibility}
1. The need for belonging. {We meet this with history giving and participation}
2. The need for acceptance. {We meet this by affirming them}
3. The need for significance. {We meet this with responsibility}
Five Levels of Sharing
Note: As the levels move up in number, the risk increases. This is a sign of how your group is doing and how they can grow. It is not a sign of how good of a leader or communicator you are.
1. Cliché Conversation
2. Sharing information and Facts
3. Sharing Ideas and Opinions
4. Sharing Feelings
5. Peak Communication - This involves openness, transparency, and self-disclosure.
1. Cliché Conversation
2. Sharing information and Facts
3. Sharing Ideas and Opinions
4. Sharing Feelings
5. Peak Communication - This involves openness, transparency, and self-disclosure.
Three Types of Sharing Questions
Personal
What do you like to do for fun?
What would be your ideal vacation?
What was the most memorable thing you did with your family when you were a child?
What quality do you most appreciate in a friend?
Spiritual
Describe any spiritual milestones that have occurred in your life.
Do you have a regular time for studying God’s Word? If yes, what difference has it made in your life?
If you were asked to define a “Christian,” what would you say?
Deeply Spiritual
Has God become “real” to you? When?
In what one area of your Christian walk would you most like to grow? What help do you need to accomplish that growth?
Have you done something recently in which your Christian faith made a difference? Explain.
Have you been instrumental in the growth of another person? How?
It is important to always know what level of sharing the group is involved in to be able to strategically get them to a deeper level of sharing—for this is when lives are changed.
* Note that the level of question will facilitate the level of sharing—Always ask open-ended questions.
* Try and get as full of a picture of the group members lives as possible.
* Make sure all the sharing isn’t in the past, but deals with the here and now.
What do you like to do for fun?
What would be your ideal vacation?
What was the most memorable thing you did with your family when you were a child?
What quality do you most appreciate in a friend?
Spiritual
Describe any spiritual milestones that have occurred in your life.
Do you have a regular time for studying God’s Word? If yes, what difference has it made in your life?
If you were asked to define a “Christian,” what would you say?
Deeply Spiritual
Has God become “real” to you? When?
In what one area of your Christian walk would you most like to grow? What help do you need to accomplish that growth?
Have you done something recently in which your Christian faith made a difference? Explain.
Have you been instrumental in the growth of another person? How?
It is important to always know what level of sharing the group is involved in to be able to strategically get them to a deeper level of sharing—for this is when lives are changed.
* Note that the level of question will facilitate the level of sharing—Always ask open-ended questions.
* Try and get as full of a picture of the group members lives as possible.
* Make sure all the sharing isn’t in the past, but deals with the here and now.
Open-ended vs. Closed Questions
Start with common questions that most people are comfortable with, and as you get to know them, progress to questions that invite more significant sharing. When you invite people to share about themselves, it shows that you sincerely care.
Open-ended questions require more than a one-word answer. Use open-ended questions and statements as much as possible.
Closed-ended questions can be answered in one or two words.
Follow-up questions are open-ended questions that draw out more information. After your first question, take something that was said and ask a follow-up question to keep the conversation moving.
Closed-ended questions with follow-up:
• Where are you from? New Orleans. What are some of your favorite things about New Orleans?
• How are you? Good. What makes today a good day?
• How was your day? Busy. What is a busy day like for you?
• What’s your job/major? How did you get into that occupation/major?
• What brought you here? Or How did you find this church/group? What do you hope to gain from this?
Open-ended questions with follow-up:
• How did you get interested in architecture? Tell me about the project you’re working on now.
• Tell me a little about your family. What is something you enjoy doing with them?
• Also follow-up with
o “Tell me more…”
o “What do you mean by…”
o “Give me an example of what you mean…”
o “What happened first/next…”
More open-ended questions and statements:
• Tell me about your summer.
• What do you enjoy the most about…?
• What is the most challenging/rewarding part of your job/major/class?
• Tell me what’s going on with work/family/school.
• How did you two meet?
• What is on your mind this week? What are you thinking about?
• Tell me about one great joy and one sorrow you’ve experienced this year.
• What is an event that shaped you as a person?
• Tell me about someone who has had a significant influence on your life, and how.
Open-ended questions require more than a one-word answer. Use open-ended questions and statements as much as possible.
Closed-ended questions can be answered in one or two words.
Follow-up questions are open-ended questions that draw out more information. After your first question, take something that was said and ask a follow-up question to keep the conversation moving.
Closed-ended questions with follow-up:
• Where are you from? New Orleans. What are some of your favorite things about New Orleans?
• How are you? Good. What makes today a good day?
• How was your day? Busy. What is a busy day like for you?
• What’s your job/major? How did you get into that occupation/major?
• What brought you here? Or How did you find this church/group? What do you hope to gain from this?
Open-ended questions with follow-up:
• How did you get interested in architecture? Tell me about the project you’re working on now.
• Tell me a little about your family. What is something you enjoy doing with them?
• Also follow-up with
o “Tell me more…”
o “What do you mean by…”
o “Give me an example of what you mean…”
o “What happened first/next…”
More open-ended questions and statements:
• Tell me about your summer.
• What do you enjoy the most about…?
• What is the most challenging/rewarding part of your job/major/class?
• Tell me what’s going on with work/family/school.
• How did you two meet?
• What is on your mind this week? What are you thinking about?
• Tell me about one great joy and one sorrow you’ve experienced this year.
• What is an event that shaped you as a person?
• Tell me about someone who has had a significant influence on your life, and how.
Icebreaker Questions for Core Group:
What is your favorite movie and why?
If you suddenly lost your eyesight, what would be the thing you missed seeing the most?
My favorite way to waste time is ____________________.
Who is the most famous person you’ve known or met? How did it happen?
What is your biggest fear about death?
What’s the worst storm or disaster you’ve been in? What was it like?
What day of your life would you most like to relive? Why?
What has been one of the greatest adventures you have ever been on?
What was the best gift you ever received as a child?
Which do you value most – speech or sight? Why?
If your house was on fire, what three items {not people} would you try to save?
Tell about a particularly embarrassing moment at your work or school.
Discuss a Spiritual passion that you’re discovering about yourself and your journey to discovering this.
Talk about a powerful “God moment” in your life and why it has been so impacting to you.
Autobiography question: What would definitely have to be a chapter?
What is the most daring thing you have ever done?
What is the thing you are most proud of in your life?
If you had a bucket you could fill with anything what would you fill it with?
If your life were a flight where would you be in the flight right now (take-off, descent, eating peanuts, etc.)
What is your theme song?
What is an interesting fact about you that I wouldn’t otherwise know about you?
If you were going to start a food truck what kind of food would be in it?
What is your dream home (location, space, decorations)
If you lived in a TV show/move/book/game what would it be?
What is a useless talent you possess?
What is something you wish you could tell yourself a year ago?
You exist in the Star Wars universe: what is your destiny?
In exactly three words, share your most embarrassing moment.
What has been your defining moment in your life so far?
Describe your perfect day.
Describe your perfect day in exactly 3 words.
Imagine your life as a movie, what would you want to be in the trailer?
What is something you do that makes you feel like you’re fulfilling your purpose?
If your college career were a movie, what movie would it be?
If you suddenly lost your eyesight, what would be the thing you missed seeing the most?
My favorite way to waste time is ____________________.
Who is the most famous person you’ve known or met? How did it happen?
What is your biggest fear about death?
What’s the worst storm or disaster you’ve been in? What was it like?
What day of your life would you most like to relive? Why?
What has been one of the greatest adventures you have ever been on?
What was the best gift you ever received as a child?
Which do you value most – speech or sight? Why?
If your house was on fire, what three items {not people} would you try to save?
Tell about a particularly embarrassing moment at your work or school.
Discuss a Spiritual passion that you’re discovering about yourself and your journey to discovering this.
Talk about a powerful “God moment” in your life and why it has been so impacting to you.
Autobiography question: What would definitely have to be a chapter?
What is the most daring thing you have ever done?
What is the thing you are most proud of in your life?
If you had a bucket you could fill with anything what would you fill it with?
If your life were a flight where would you be in the flight right now (take-off, descent, eating peanuts, etc.)
What is your theme song?
What is an interesting fact about you that I wouldn’t otherwise know about you?
If you were going to start a food truck what kind of food would be in it?
What is your dream home (location, space, decorations)
If you lived in a TV show/move/book/game what would it be?
What is a useless talent you possess?
What is something you wish you could tell yourself a year ago?
You exist in the Star Wars universe: what is your destiny?
In exactly three words, share your most embarrassing moment.
What has been your defining moment in your life so far?
Describe your perfect day.
Describe your perfect day in exactly 3 words.
Imagine your life as a movie, what would you want to be in the trailer?
What is something you do that makes you feel like you’re fulfilling your purpose?
If your college career were a movie, what movie would it be?
Questions for Core Groups or One-on-Ones
Best/worst part of the week?
What’s been on your mind the most recently?
What was the happiest time of your life? Why?
What are you good at?
What are your dreams for the future?
Best childhood memory
What would you change about yourself?
Did you grow up in a religious home?
Have you ever had an experience that makes you think there might be a God?
What causes 80% of your stress?
How are you the most like your family/the most different than your family?
Who’s your best friend and what’s the best thing about them?
How would your best friends describe you?
What’s one law you would make? One law you wish you could break?
Have you had an experience that makes you think there might be a God?
Tell me about your summer.
What do you enjoy the most about…?
What is the most challenging/rewarding part of your job/major/class?
Tell me what’s going on with work/family/school.
What is on your mind this week? What are you thinking about?
Tell me about one great joy and one sorrow you’ve experienced this year.
What is an event that shaped you as a person?
Tell me about someone who has had a significant influence on your life, and how.
What’s been on your mind the most recently?
What was the happiest time of your life? Why?
What are you good at?
What are your dreams for the future?
Best childhood memory
What would you change about yourself?
Did you grow up in a religious home?
Have you ever had an experience that makes you think there might be a God?
What causes 80% of your stress?
How are you the most like your family/the most different than your family?
Who’s your best friend and what’s the best thing about them?
How would your best friends describe you?
What’s one law you would make? One law you wish you could break?
Have you had an experience that makes you think there might be a God?
Tell me about your summer.
What do you enjoy the most about…?
What is the most challenging/rewarding part of your job/major/class?
Tell me what’s going on with work/family/school.
What is on your mind this week? What are you thinking about?
Tell me about one great joy and one sorrow you’ve experienced this year.
What is an event that shaped you as a person?
Tell me about someone who has had a significant influence on your life, and how.
One-on-One Questions
General “Checking In” Questions
What has God been saying to you lately?
How is your schedule, and how are you using your time?
How is it between you and your significant others?
How do you feel about yourself?
How can I support you in Prayer?
Difficult, but Important, Questions to Ask
Have your words and actions given glory to God this week?
Have you been exposed to sexually alluring material or allowed your mind to entertain inappropriate thoughts this week?
Have you coveted something that does not belong to you?
Have you been honoring, understanding, and charitable in your important relationships this week?
Have you damaged another person by your words, either behind their back or face-to-face?
Have you given in to any addictive behavior this past week?
Have you continued to harbor anger or bitterness toward another?
Have you secretly wished for another’s misfortune so that you might excel?
How are you doing with time management?
How are your finances?
How are you doing with classes? Are you going to all of them all the time? Are you struggling in any particular class? Are you seeking help from classmates or instructors?
How would you describe your relationship with God? Have you been consistent in prayer and Bible reading? What have you been reading about? What are you learning about God and about yourself? What are you trying to apply?
What have you been praying about?
What did you learn from a recent sermon/teaching that you are applying?
How can I keep you accountable?
Have you been completely honest with me?
What has God been saying to you lately?
How is your schedule, and how are you using your time?
How is it between you and your significant others?
How do you feel about yourself?
How can I support you in Prayer?
Difficult, but Important, Questions to Ask
Have your words and actions given glory to God this week?
Have you been exposed to sexually alluring material or allowed your mind to entertain inappropriate thoughts this week?
Have you coveted something that does not belong to you?
Have you been honoring, understanding, and charitable in your important relationships this week?
Have you damaged another person by your words, either behind their back or face-to-face?
Have you given in to any addictive behavior this past week?
Have you continued to harbor anger or bitterness toward another?
Have you secretly wished for another’s misfortune so that you might excel?
How are you doing with time management?
How are your finances?
How are you doing with classes? Are you going to all of them all the time? Are you struggling in any particular class? Are you seeking help from classmates or instructors?
How would you describe your relationship with God? Have you been consistent in prayer and Bible reading? What have you been reading about? What are you learning about God and about yourself? What are you trying to apply?
What have you been praying about?
What did you learn from a recent sermon/teaching that you are applying?
How can I keep you accountable?
Have you been completely honest with me?